How not to offend an Italian

Those of you who know me know that I feel very strongly about correct etiquette, good manners and respect for a different culture. Being aware and knowledgeable also goes a long way to enhancing your own experience, as one of the greatest joys of travel is getting to know locals and engaging in conversation. This is far more likely to happen when you know the ‘rules’ so that you don’t offend.

So many unwritten coffee rules

This was covered in a newsletter titled ‘The Italian Way’, however, if you want to avoid a look of disdain from the waiter, here are six important ones to remember:

• For Italians, un caffe is an expresso. You don’t need to ask for an espresso, just un caffe.

• So touristy to order a cappuccino or caffe latte after 11:00am. It messes with your indigestion! And no cappuccino after lunch or dinner. You may have an espresso.

• Milk is milk. Please don’t order a half strength cappuccino with almond milk, extra hot!

• One size fits all, no small or large.

• For flat white drinkers, the closest is a cappuccino, as it is not dusted with chocolate.

• The Italian way is to stand al banco (at the bar) which will be much cheaper than sitting down, particularly if the cafe is in a popular street or piazza.

Culinary crimes

• I’m like a broken record on this one, but never cut your pasta with a knife and fork and do not use a spoon, just your fork for twirling the pasta.

• You will not see spaghetti bolognese on a menu, as it doesn’t exist in Italy. What you will see is pasta al ragu.

• Asking for a steak well done is not going to go down well. Consider cottura media (medium), or even better, al sangue (rare).

• Leaving food on your plate is considered disrespectful.

• No matter how hot it is, there is never an excuse for asking for ice in your wine.

• It’s not a ‘thing’ in Italy to ask for tap water. You will be offered naturale or frizzante.

• Bread is almost always brought to the table and is included in the coperto (cover charge). It is not meant to be devoured before your meal, but to accompany your pasta to mop up those delicious pasta sauces.

• Also not a ‘thing’ to pour olive oil and balsamic vinegar on your bread.

Good habits

• Whenever you enter a shop or a market stall, say good morning or good afternoon and goodbye when you leave. The general rule of thumb is buongiorno up until around 4:00pm and buonasera after that, although it can differ slightly from north to south. Only use ciao when greeting someone you know.

• Touching the fruit at a market store is considered rude. Best to point if you don’t know the Italian words.

• Learn the correct pronunciation for please and thank you. There is only one way to pronounce ‘Italian’ and that’s with a long ‘i’, as in ‘sheep’, not ‘eye-talian’. Yes, it has happened on numerous occasions.

Out and about

• Clothing that is too revealing is considered bad taste.

• Shoulders and knees should be covered when stepping inside an Italian church. I have a couple of favourite churches in Rome that I love to show you that you could easily walk past, never knowing how amazing they are inside. It’s a good idea to have a scarfe in your bag.

• Resist the urge to dip your feet into a fountain to cool off. Sounds obvious I know, but you would be surprised.

• Just as driving is on the opposite side of the road to Australia, so is walking. This is good to remember if walking on a busy street; up and down steps or congested paths.

• The polite word if you want to pass someone is ‘permesso’, translated as permission to pass.

Helpful tips

• When you use a bancomat (ATM), select ‘other amount’ instead of 100, 200 or 300 euro. If you select 180, 260 etc. you can be guaranteed of receiving 20 euro notes which you need for small purchases. Italy is very much a cash society and it is difficult for shopkeepers when tourists continually hand over 50 euro notes for small purchases. Some bancomats will allow you to choose the denomination of notes, but not all.

• Don’t use the stand alone ATM machines outside shops, as they charge ridiculous fees. Always cover the numbers with your hand or wallet when inserting your pin.

• Leave your passport in your hotel room where it is safe and have a photo on your phone for large purchases if you want to claim the VAT tax.

• Like anywhere in the world that receives millions of tourists each year, certain areas are magnets for pickpockets. Be aware if you are in train stations or popular tourist spots that are crowded. It will always be someone you least expect or involve a person or children distracting you. It’s common sense, but best to put your handbag across your chest and avoid having wallets or phones in back pockets or backpacks that can easily be unzipped. Be aware also of where your bag is if sitting outside at a restaurant and try to avoid putting it over your chair or beside you on the ground.

Tourist traps

• Avoid restaurants that advertise a ‘Tourist Menu’ out the front; restaurants that have a waiter enticing you in; restaurants close to popular tourist attractions. All of these will generally be overpriced, catering to tourists not locals, and not authentic.

• Support local artisan owned and run shops, not generic stores that can be found anywhere in the world.

• It is tempting to try and fit in as much as possible, especially in Rome with so many iconic attractions. In reality, you could live a year in the historic centre and not see everything, so pick one or two attractions of interest and delight in the joy of aimless wandering in a city that is like tiptoeing your way through an open air museum.

This is the best country in the world to visit for its heady mix of stunning regions, places, culture, history, food, wine and warm, friendly Italians who live life with passion and enthusiasm, but then I am completely, unashamedly biased!

Ci vediamo la prossima settimana.

Deb